Shop 'Til You Drop
by Quicksilver
Summary: Written with Tellu. Girls just wanna have fun, so when the Ayakashi sisters head to the mall for the day, everyone else will soon be singing ‘It's My Party And I'll Cry If I Want To.'


Shop Till You Drop  
By Quicksilver and Tellu   
Rating: PG-13  
Genre: Comedy  
Teaser: Girls just wanna have fun, so when the Ayakashi sisters head to the mall for the day, everyone else will soon be singing 'It's My Party And I'll Cry If I Want To.' Happy 3rd birthday, TAATN!  
  
*Chapter One: 9:00 AM*  
  
"Come ON, Petz!" Cooan Ayakashi's whine could be heard from one end of the spaceship to the other. "The mall opens in three minutes, if we don't get going, we'll NEVER finish our shopping lists!"   
  
Petz sighed and shoved her head under the pillow, trying to catch a few more minutes of sleep. As the eldest of the Four Sisters, you'd think they'd give her a little respect... but NOOOOOO, all her younger sisters did was whine.   
  
She was just about to sink into a dream about Saffir, herself and a can of whipped cream when she felt someone bouncing on the bed. Opening tired eyes, she focused on a cheerfully smiling Cooan.   
  
"Good morning!" The chipper smile and cheerful greeting were too much. Cooan suddenly found herself blasted backwards by a sonic wave: "GEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEET OUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUT!"  
  
Meanwhile, down at the other end of the ship...   
  
Beruche moaned and pulled the covers up over her head. Outside her door, Calaveras was listing some colorful threats if she didn't "GET THE HELL OUT OF BED, BERUCHE! I MEAN IT! DAMMIT, THIS ISN'T FUNNY!"   
  
"I didn't say it was," Beruche muttered, snuggling into the mattress.   
  
Calaveras started to bang on the door, hitting it so hard that the hinges were threatening to come off. "Come!- Out!- Of!- There!- NOW!!!" she yelled, punctuating each word by hitting the door with a strong fist.   
  
Beruche moaned and rolled out of bed, hitting the floor. Heading sleepily to the door, she opened it just as Cal was gearing up for another punch. Caught off guard, the sister of love fell through the door and onto the hard floor. Beruche stepped outside and pressed her hand against the door knob, locking Cal inside her room- just for a little while, of course. Beruche yawned and headed over to take a shower.  
  
Cooan, though, wasn't nearly as fortunate in her attempts to get Petz moving. The authors would like to humbly remind the reader that Petz is, undeniably, the most powerful of the Sisters, and as such, the biggest bitch. When things don't go her way, she is, to put it mildly, vicious.   
  
Grabbing Cooan by the nape of her neck and the feathers of her tutu, Petz picked up her youngest sister and threw her into the hot tub. Floundering around for a few minutes (Despite what it looks like, that tutu really isn't water-retardant) Cooan finally got out, and shakily pointed a finger at Petz.   
  
"You- you BITCH!"   
  
"Bite me, you little pissworm," Petz retorted, heading towards the shower. Unfortunately, there was already someone in the shower...   
  
Petz sighed, headed over to the water heater and switched off the hot water. Beruche's shrill scream echoed throughout the spaceship.   
  
In the dining room, Rubeus sighed and picked up the remnants of his breakfast, deciding that he would NEVER understand females. Why Demando-sama had stuck him with the job of babysitting the sisters Ayakashi, he never would know. Rubeus didn't THINK he'd done anything to deserve such a loathsome assignment.   
  
Hearing one of the infamous cat fights begin, he resolved to spend the day somewhere safe- like Siberia.   
  
Calaveras, the only one not involved in a cat fight, finally managed to break down Beruche's door and headed grumpily into the dining room.   
  
"Good morning, Rubeus-sama."  
  
"Dare I ask what's good about it?"  
  
A blank stare. God, she was such a MORON!  
  
"Well, for starters, today we're going shopping for the day..."  
  
Blink, blink. Did he hear that right? Smiling, Rubeus grabbed Calaveras and kissed her. Her eyes widened and he said, "Stay as long as you girls want, Calaveras. Stay as long as you please."   
  
Running out the door, Rubeus started screaming, "I'm FREE! Bahaha! I'M FINALLY FREE!" Cal gently pressed her fingers against her lips, then shrugged. What a strange man.   
  
In the bathroom, things had dissolved into a hair-pulling, scratching cat-fight. Now if you've ever seen cats fight, you KNOW it's not a pretty thing. Cooan, though, held the advantage with her magic-enhanced claws.   
  
Calaveras stepped into this fray, eyes narrowing. "Stop it! We have to get going!" she said, eyeing her sisters drenched forms. "And make sure you wear some less conspicuous clothes, ne?"   
  
Three glaring, soaked faces met her. Cooan was the only one even dressed, Petz was still in her pajamas and Beruche was only wearing a bathrobe. They all considered this quietly, then Beruche broke the silence. "I'll be ready in fifteen minutes. If you three aren't ready by then, I'm leaving without you."   
  
Rushing out of the bathroom and drying her hair frantically, she stopped off at her room, sighed at the sight of the broken door, grabbed an indigo silk blouse and matching pair of pants and dressed in her large walk-in closet.   
  
Cooan stomped off, muttering something about sending Petz a dry cleaning bill, while Petz merely glared at Calaveras for a second. "Would you mind leaving so I can finish my morning absolutions?" she asked in an icy voice.   
  
Calaveras nodded and headed for the kitchen to grab a small container of non-fat yogurt. She had the feeling she would be needing all the energy she could get today.   
  
Cooan slipped into a crimson t-shirt and black pair of jeans. Petz, meanwhile started to enjoy a nice hot shower...until Beruche ran into the bathroom, shut off the hot water and ran out. Rushing into the kitchen, Beruche poured herself a bowl of cereal and started to eat. Cooan made it out, grabbed a banana and started eating it.  
  
Petz joined them a few minutes later. She gave Beruche the evil eye, then pulled out a pile of bacon. Cal groaned. "Petz, of all days, why did you have to pick today to have a lumberjack breakfast?" Petz didn't answer, but started frying the bacon.   
  
Twenty-five minutes later...   
  
The Sisters teleported into a small alley near the mall. Each of them had magically concealed their family sign, which made them cranky. Illusion magic was a nasty thing, since it itched.   
  
Calaveras smiled at her cohorts. "Shopping time!" she declared eagerly, stepping out towards the mall.   
  
Beruche, Cooan and Petz followed, each grumbling things under their breath about one another. Finally they reached the front door of the mall and Beruche pulled a stopwatch out of her purse. "All right. Ladies, start your engines!" The other three bent over slightly, ready to push open the doors at a moment's notice. Beruche gave the countdown: "Five... four... THREETWOONEGO!"   
  
Shoving the door open, she burst inside the mall, and got a good fifty feet in front of her sisters. "So long, suckers! Bahaha!" The others shoved in and started running after her.   
  
Beruche was fast and agile, but unfortunately for her, Cooan was the athlete of the family. She caught her sister by her pale braid and YANKED, causing Beruche's eyes to fill with involuntary tears of pain.   
  
"Not gonna happen, neesan!" she said. "We're gonna start with Victoria's Secret and work from there!"   
  
"OWOWOWOWOWOW!!!!!!" Beruche screamed out in pain as Cooan pulled on her long braid. Calaveras and Petz caught up with them quickly, both glaring at Beruche. "Okay, okay! We'll start with Victoria's Secret! NOW LET ME GO!" the shortest Ayakashi yelped.   
  
"Uh-uh," Cooan said, starting to drag her in the right direction. "Given half the chance, you'll take off to the bookstore and forget about us. Remember, we decided we're going to stay together today, and I'm not gonna let you slip out so easily," Cooan stated.   
  
"Eeeeeee..." Beruche whimpered as her taller sister dragged her by the hair through J.C. Penney towards the ladies' lingerie store. She cast a pitiful glance to Petz and Cal, mouthing 'HEEEEELP!'   
  
"Why are you complaining?" Petz wanted to know. "It's not like you wear much more than lingerie daily."   
  
Beruche gritted her teeth. *They are not as smart as you are, Beruche. You must have patience.* "I wasn't complaining of going to Victoria's Secret. I'm complaining because our imouto has me by the hair and it's extremely PAINFUL!" Cal shook her head. "Sorry, Beruche. No can do. You're stuck with us for the day." *Damn.*   
  
Then came the first in a string of catastrophes that would eventually have the Sisters banned from the mall by the end of the day.... they entered the store. Pity the salesclerk.   
  
"Good morning ladies. Could I help you?" The pretty young salesclerk eyed the four sisters. Cooan smiled cattishly and said, "Actually, you could...we need some new lingerie...and we need it now."  
  
"N-now? I'm afraid I don't-"  
  
"Ma'am, we all have PMS. Every one of us. Now, do you want us to use it for the good of the store, or for the bad of the store?"  
  
Gulp. That tall one, with the purplish hair. She was the most intimidating one.   
  
"Yes, ma'am. I'll be right back..." the clerk rushed into the back room.   
  
Cal raised her eyebrows at her imouto. "Nice work."  
  
"Thanks."   
  
"Now that's she's gone, we can get down to business," Petz said with a wicked grin. "Hey, Cooan, didn't you want a slinky little number to show off to Rubeus?" she asked, holding up a nearby gown that looked like it was made out of cobwebs.   
  
"You know what's best, Petz..." an evil grin slithered its way over Cooan's face as she slid off her top and on the gown. "Nice, ne?"  
  
"Very nice. Now, Cal. What can we get for you?"  
  
"How about a Merry Widow?"  
  
"Shut up, Beruche. Ah, here's something nice..." Cal picked up a scanty nightie as Petz closed the storeroom door and locked the clerk inside.   
  
"Ohhh!!" Cooan exclaimed from a nearby rack. "What a pretty blue! Isn't that Saffir's favorite color, nee-san?" she asked Petz. "Maybe you should try it on.... after all, I caught him staring at Esmeraude last week- is your sex life getting old?"  
  
Calaveras and Beruche backed away, waiting for the inevitable explosion.   
  
Beruche and Calaveras hid behind a rack of ½ off bras. Cal started humming the Funeral March and Beruche whispered, "I'm just glad it's not me..."  
  
Petz's eyes turned from green to red. Making one hand into a fist, a ball of dark lightning energy started crackling. Cooan realized she'd just stepped one inch over the line and dove backwards as Petz let the lightning fly, obliterating the display stand.   
  
Cooan retaliated with a Dark Fire, singing a case worth of bras. The sisters flung electric and flame attacks back and forth- until all the displays were reduced to dust and Beruche and Calaveras ran out frantically, uninjured save for the end of Beruche's braid getting slightly singed.   
  
Beruche turned around and was ready to soak both of them when Cal grabbed her wrist and pulled her to safety.   
  
Petz and Cooan faced each other, breathing heavily, fire in both of their eyes. Cooan shot off Dark Fire and Petz Dark Lightning at the exact same time. And who should get the blast?   
  
One of Murphy's Laws was 'If something bad CAN happen, it WILL happen.' Such was the fate of the salesclerk, who at that moment burst out of the stockroom, a pile of flammable bras and pantyhose in her hands.   
  
Pantyhose don't burn the way most people think they do- as they are made of many fine threads, they tend to have fire slowly creep up them, nibbling away at the edge.   
  
But we're talking about Cooan's magically created fire here, which is quite capable of burning a hole through a lead trunk, White House Security (not that it's all that hard to penetrate) and Dolly Parton's hair.  
  
With a "whoosh", the bras and stockings caught fire, and the hapless clerk automatically threw them on the floor, inadvertently spreading the fire. By now the sprinklers were going off, and the sisters exchanged glances.   
  
"We had better get out of here," Petz said, having calmed down enough to speak rationally.   
  
"Yes! I need to get a hair salon IMMEDIATELY! Cooan singed my braid!"   
  
Turning around, the sisters faced the source of the sprinklers. Activating her Dark Water attack, Beruche quickly put out the fire and in the process knocked the poor salesclerk out. Glaring at her sisters, Beruche asked, "Well, are you coming or not?"   
  
Cooan followed without a complaint, knowing that messing with Beruche's hair (even accidently) had been a mistake. Beruche was her closest sister, and that meant Calaveras and Petz would be able to gang up on her. It really SUCKED being the youngest.   
  
"Cooan?" Calaveras asked.   
  
"Yes?" she replied hesitantly, not wanting to get into another fight- yet.   
  
"Could you possibly do something to dry our clothes out? We don't want Mall Security grabbing us."   
  
"Oh...sure, Cal-chan." Lifting her hand, she let out juuuuust a little bit of heat curling around the sisters. Once the clothes were dry, the sisters headed towards the salon silently.   
  
Finally, Beruche said, "You know, we should stop using our powers like this. We got off easy that time, but Security could grab anyone they thought was suspicious." Glancing hard at her sisters, she said, "Can we agree to not use our powers for the rest of the trip?"  
  
Cal shrugged, "Okay." Cooan nodded silently.  
  
"Petz?"  
  
"As long as SOMEONE remembers to keep her yap shut!" she said, still not happy about the insinuations about her love life- or lack thereof.   
  
"Fine, fine!" Cooan agreed hastily.   
  
"Where to next?" Petz asked.   
  
"I already said the hair salon! If you and Cooan had been able to keep your tempers under better control, I wouldn't be about to lose two inches of hair!"   
  
Glaring at the two of them, Beruche stormed ahead of her sisters, getting into the salon.  
  
"Hello, Miss. Do you have an appointment?"  
  
"No, but do you see this?" Beruche held out the singed braid. The lady winced. Beruche scowled and said, "I was cooking and leaned over to smell if the omelet was done when this got caught in the pan and started burning. Now, is there ANYTHING you can do to disguise it?"   
  
"Ma'am, I'm afraid the only option we have is to cut the singed hair off."   
  
Beruche sighed, "All right. So be it. How much?"   
  
The clerk named an astronomical figure, but Beruche agreed, providing they saw to it immediately. A petite blonde came over to her, grabbed her hand and started to pull, chirping out a cheerful, "Hi! My name is Sunny, and I'll be your stylist today!"   
  
Beruche rolled her eyes and let the woman guide her to the sink. Meanwhile, Cooan headed up, smiling sweetly and made a nail appointment. The lady named a sum approximately equal to the Gross Annual Income of Bolivia and Cooan blinked, "HOW much?" The lady repeated the figure. Cooan groaned and agreed.   
  
That left Petz and Calaveras on their own, which, as any good troublemaker knows, is a bad idea. Petz was still riled, and Calaveras had a short attention span. It took them three minutes to get tired of tearing out the perfume adds out of the magazines, so they stood up, looking for something else to do. Wandering around the shop, they finally came to rest behind a very young, very inexperienced stylist who was working on her first client of the day.   
  
Cal slowly pulled out her whip and prepared to snake it around the girl's feet. Petz watched, enjoying every minute of it.   
  
"You know, dear, I think you managed to cut it uneven," Petz said, startling the poor child. The customer, a chic looking woman in her thirties, frowned.  
  
"Yes," Cal concurred, pointing out the slightly off-center snip. "Now, if it had been correctly done, this snip would be parallel with the rest of the hair. Now, do step aside, dear." Yanking on the whip, Cal jerked the stylist off to one side and proceeded to design the customer's hair after the aforementioned Miss Parton.  
  
The customer started to protest the forcible make-over, but Petz gave her a glare. Even WITHOUT the weird outfit she normally wore when chasing the rabbit all over Tokyo, Petz Ayakashi made a frightening appearance.   
  
Meanwhile, a manicurist was beginning the appointment that would forever change the course of his destiny- in other words, he would soon be seeking a new line of work (one that involved no social interaction whatsoever). He didn't know that yet, though. All he saw in front of him was a rather predatory looking female with amazingly long nails.  
  
He dipped Cooan's hands in the water and started filing them. He knew it wasn't really his business, but he was dying to know...  
  
"Miss, how long have you let these nails go?"  
  
"WHAT ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT?! THEY'RE BEAUTIFUL!"   
  
Beruche was sitting quite calmly, letting Sunny start trimming her hair with a careful hand.   
  
"Be careful. You remove any more then necessary, and I will remove twice that from your hair."   
  
Gulp. Sunny snipped veeeery carefully.   
  
"How long did it take you to grow this braid?"  
  
"All my life. This is the first time I've had it cut."  
  
"Really? I couldn't tell."  
  
"Most people can't. I keep it pretty tightly braided, even when I sleep."  
  
"Oh, really? That's not really good for your hair, but it seems to be in perfect shape."  
  
"Thank you, hon."   
  
Meanwhile, Cal and Petz were having a marvelous time teasing the customer's hair up into gigantic poof balls. Petz, grinning like a hippy in a marijuana patch, started spraying the tower of poof with a combination hair spray/blue dye.   
  
The customer's face had settled for an expression of shock, while the real beautician was making occasional EEKS!   
  
"Pull that bit this way... I missed dying the underside."   
  
"This one?"   
  
"No, but that piece could use a touch of green- I really like green, you know."   
  
"I wonder why."   
  
"Just pull it over- maybe we should have worn gloves?"   
  
"Nah."   
  
Cal started singing to herself as she spritzed the customers hair,  
  
"Oh, give me a perm  
Where the curls and waves roam firm  
Where the stylists and hairdressers play...  
Where often is heard  
A discouraging word  
As my scalp becomes toxic saute..."   
  
"You could at LEAST try to sing on key," Petz griped, casually yanking on Calaveras' whip, which was still around the stylist. The little thing fell to the floor, whimpering.   
  
The customer was whimpering as well by this time, watching her lovely brunette hair starting to turn blue and green. Finally, she found her voice, "IF YOU TWO BITCHES DON'T RETURN MY HAIR TO THE RIGHTFUL STATE IT WAS IN, I'M GOING TO SUE!"   
  
"Sue? What can she do to us?" Calaveras said.   
  
"Besides, you have NO idea who we are," Petz pointed out. "We can be out of here before you even get two steps to the door. Calaveras, do you have anything to quite this wench down with?"   
  
Calaveras produced another whip from... somewhere, and started spinning the chair around, wrapping the lady up QUITE tightly. Then she pulled out a handkerchief from her purse and stuffed it in the woman's mouth. "I only loaned it to Rubeus once- it can't be THAT bad," she said.   
  
"I wouldn't bet my last yen on it!" Beruche yelled from a neighboring chair. Sunny, startled, dropped the scissors and bent down to pick them up. Unfortunately, the poor ditz had forgotten that she was holding onto Beruche's braid with her other hand...   
  
"EEEK!" Beruche screamed as her head was forcibly jerked backwards.   
  
Beruche turned around, glaring at Sunny with fire in her eyes. The hair stylist gulped and started backing up, Beruche pulled a can of Mace out of her purse and sprayed Sunny in the eyes. "I'M the only one whose suppose to be inflicting pain around here!" she shrieked angrily.   
  
Obviously she wasn't anywhere near the hapless manicurist who had been unfortunate enough to be assigned to Cooan.   
  
"Ma'am, I said I was-URK!" Cooan tightened his tie another notch and resumed making little tic marks on his face with her claws, screaming all the while, "NO ONE MAKES FUN OF MY NAILS AND LIVES!"   
  
"Help!" the man gagged, feeling his oxygen supply getting cut off.   
  
The manager, a matron well into her forties, finally came out of the back to see what all the trouble was about. There were Petz and Calaveras, redesigning the word "tacky", Cooan lashing out with her nails (which were now an impressive foot long), and Beruche angrily emptying a can of silly string (she had run out of mace) all over the crying Sunny.   
  
"WHAT," she shrieked, "IS GOING ON IN HERE?!" At that moment, everything within a twenty-five foot radius stopped and stood perfectly still.   
  
Except the sisters. The sisters had been yelled at by royalty (Demando), psychopaths (Rubeus), egomaniacs (Esmeraude) and scientists (Saffir) and hadn't listened to them- certainly they weren't going to listen to an overweight woman past her prime who made her living managing a small store in a mall.   
  
"You stupid man!! How DARE you not have the taste to recognize beauty when you see it!"   
  
"A touch more green? Or should I add silver highlights, nee-san?"   
  
"More green- did you have to ask?"   
  
"Dammit- I need a new can of... HEY! Come back here, you little brat!"   
  
The matron was not one to be easily daunted. Grabbing Petz and Calaveras by the napes of their necks, the rather large woman started shaking the sisters like rag dolls, screaming, "I WANT THE TWO OF YOU OUT OF MY STORE BY THE TIME I COUNT TO ZERO!"   
  
"Can you COUNT to zero?" Petz asked haughtily.   
  
Calaveras produced yet ANOTHER whip and swung out, tying up her older sister and the matron in one move while freeing herself.   
  
"Sorry, Petz- lemme try again."   
  
One more deft flick of her wrist had the situation corrected. Petz scowled. "I thought we agreed on no magic?"   
  
"That wasn't magic," Calaveras pointed out. "Just skill."   
  
The matron was not happy with this. Somehow managing to force a hand out, she grabbed a pair of scissors from a nearby sink and cut herself free. Laughing crazily (a la Mrs. Bates from Psycho) the matron lunged forward, scissors gleaming.   
  
"She cut THROUGH your whip, you ninny!" Petz screamed. "NOW what?!"   
  
"That's not possible!" Calaveras yelled, backing away. "That's been magically reinforced!"   
  
The matron grabbed a bottle of mousse and advanced, cackling madly. Finally, she splattered the mousse all over Petz's outfit and proceeded to start snipping Calaveras's hair. That was a mistake...   
  
Calaveras's hair, unlike that of her sisters, is made of some substance unknown to mankind. If she was to stand out in a full-blown hurricane, her hair wouldn't move. The scissors were unable to penetrate the bun, getting dented in the process. Still, the attempt enraged the sister. "Ok, no more Ms. Nice-Ayakashi! Neesan?"   
  
Petz couldn't agree more- she would need a new outfit, and she didn't like the idea of having to shop with her sisters for one. Dark Lightning began to dance around her fingertips.   
  
The matron solved their problems for them. Running around, the woman didn't notice when she bumped into a large case of conditioners. The matron was still laughing as the thousands of bottles rolled onto her, crushing her beneath her weight. The Ayakashis (minus Cooan, who didn't pay attention in the first place) sweatdropped and the personnel averted their eyes.   
  
"Someone forgot to take her medication today," Beruche murmured.   
  
"What did you think you were doing?" Calaveras hissed. "We said NO MAGIC!"   
  
"That bitch would've had it coming. Come on, we're out of here.... um, Beruche, can you pull Cooan off that guy? I hope he won't need stitches..."   
  
"And has had recent tetanus shots," Calaveras murmured, throwing some money on the counter to cover the nail job and haircut.   
  
Beruche headed over and grabbed one of Cooan's 'cat ears,' dragging her away from the scarred-for-life manicurist. The sisters headed out into the mall, lost in the crowds, leaving behind four people who would remember them forever.   
  
  
*Chapter Two: 10:30 AM *  
After a brief trip back to the mother ship to change clothes, the sisters moved to a different mall. Mall security had been looking for them, and they had decided it would be a good idea to move. Besides, having magic powers to teleport had to be worth SOMETHING. This time they entered a more main-stream mall with fewer boutiques and more of the giant stores. Cooan had wanted to have the next choice, and the sisters were amused to watch her go into Spencer Gifts.   
  
"I do believe our imouto is growing up," Cal said.   
  
Beruche sniffled, "It's always nice to see them finally display some maturity." The other sisters entered the store.   
  
Once inside, Petz noticed a particularly large...er...vibrator.  
  
"Oh, give me a break," she scoffed, "to get a dick that big you'd need an implant with a ten-pound Polish keibasa."  
  
About that time, a saleslady with a particularly large bosom came over, saying huskily, "My name is Malibu. How may I help you?"  
  
Staring at the large cleavage, Cooan asked, "Girls, if I changed my name to Chattanooga, would I get more guys?"  
  
"Naw," Cal said, "change it to Intercourse."  
  
Beruche agreed, "Ah yes, if I recall my Pennsylvania geography correctly, Intercourse is right near Blue Ball."   
  
"We should have gone to the King of Prussia Mall," Calaveras said. "That's in Pennsylvania somewhere."  
  
"Enough of this! I want some edible body paints..."   
  
Calaveras and Beruche stared at Petz. "So? Saffir likes to draw," she said defensively.   
  
"Did you need to know that? *I* certainly didn't," Beruche said to Calaveras. "But then again, so does his brother, so I really shouldn't be surprised," she continued.   
  
Her older sisters stared at her and said in unison, "You DIDN'T!"   
  
Beruche smiled evilly and said, "That's for me to know and you to find out."   
  
"Demando doesn't like green hair," Petz mused, "which is one reason Saffir felt he could date me safely."   
  
"You didn't tell Esmeraude, did you?" Calaveras asked her.   
  
"Do you think I'm STUPID?"   
  
"Do I need to answer that?"   
  
Cooan was still staring in awe at Malibu's cleavage. She said, "Are-are they real?"   
  
Malibu smiled and tilted her head, one of her incredibly long (and tacky) earrings coming to rest on her shoulder. "What do YOU think? If you like, I can give you the name of my plastic surgeon- he does wonderful work."   
  
Meanwhile Petz was trying to decide on flavors. "Strawberry or chocolate- oh! They have kiwi!"   
  
"Yuck," Beruche said. "I tried it once. Tasted like mangos mixed with mashed potatoes. My favorite always was mint." Picking up the small, light green package, Beruche headed around to the other side of the display. Cal just looked at Petz and Beruche and shook her head.   
  
"Now WHO was she sleeping with?" Petz wanted to know.  
  
Beruche answered in her laziest southern drawl, "The Shiroi Oujisama has a thing for girls with white hair and big blue eyes..."   
  
Calaveras lost all pretense at poise, falling backwards against a stand, upsetting its contents. Petz tried to steady the display of sexual aides, but was a second too slow. The merchandise came raining down on the trio, and a pimply-faced teenage guy stared at the lovely ladies before starting to chuckle in a cracking voice.   
  
Malibu turned around and glared at him, thrusting out her chest (all twelve pounds of it) and saying icily, "Sir, this section of the store is reserved for adults only. May I see some ID?"   
  
The teenager blushed, stammered and stared at Malibu's cleavage, unable to think of anything coherent to say. The sexy salesclerk frowned. "I must insist you leave at ONCE," she stressed, pointing a manicured nail at the entrance to the store. He nodded, backing away from the glaring sisters. All four of the women decided they quite liked Malibu, which was unfortunate. Being their friend is as dangerous as being their enemy.   
  
"I'm sorry, ladies. I have to be cruel too often for my own good."  
  
"No, Malibu, it's GOOD to be BAD." Malibu sweatdropped at Cal, who had spoken.  
  
"What do you mean?"   
  
"Have you ever thought of world domination as a possible career option? I happen to know of a few openings, and I'm sure my sisters would speak for you as well," Petz volunteered, and the others nodded.   
  
Malibu raised an eyebrow. "I don't really understand...world domination? What are you, aliens from Neptune or something?"   
  
"Nemesis, actually," Cooan said sweetly. "Neptune is far too ugly. Why ANYONE would want to claim association with that place, I'll never know."   
  
Malibu blinked a few times and said, very slowly, "You...are...aliens?"  
  
"Not exactly. Technically, we were born on Earth in the far future and exiled. Then we traveled back in time and are going to wreck our revenge on the planet." Cooan got a sharp smack upside the head from each of her sisters. "OOOWWWWWW! What was THAT for?"   
  
"You don't tell her EVERYTHING, BAKA!" Beruche said, yanking the purple hair.   
  
"We gave her the recruitment speech- that's all she needs to know!" Calaveras added.   
  
"Who knows- she could be ones of those pre-teens who think Sailor suits are the height of fashion!" Petz finished.   
  
Malibu was watching all this with a mixture of fascination and confusion. She put up a hand to stop the gripes. "Hoooold it. First off, what would I have to do?"   
  
"Swear allegiance to the most delicious man you've ever seen, get a really neat tattoo on your forehead and join the Villains Union."   
  
"We're all card carrying members!" the four chorused, producing their memberships. Each was a small card with their picture on it, unflattering in the way only ID pictures can be.   
  
Malibu's eyebrow reached a new height, disappearing into her hairline. "I see..." she trailed off. "What if I don't want to do that?"   
  
"Then we'll suck your energy dry and leave you with weird hallucinations for a while," Cooan said.   
  
"No, imouto, that was the Dark Kingdom. WE hang people up on crosses."   
  
"Oops."  
  
Malibu looked at them slowly and said, "Gee, that sounds great...really..." silently pressing the Mall Security button behind her back, she said, to stall them, "Tell me some more about yourselves."   
  
Cooan, though, was a trained warrior, and noticed Malibu's subtle motion. "HEY!" she exclaimed. "Did she just do what I THOUGHT she did?" she demanded, jumping to her feet and grabbing Malibu by the hair.   
  
"YEEEEEEEOOOOOWWWWW!" Malibu shrieked as Cooan grabbed her by the hair.  
  
"What did you see, Cooan?" Beruche asked. Cal was the first one to realize what Malibu had done.  
  
"HEY! This bitch called Security on us!"   
  
"SHE DID WHAT!?!?" Cooan asked, feeling betrayed. She'd been looking forward to having a less senior member to boss around.   
  
"LET GO!" Malibu yelled, tears coming to her eyes from the pain. Beruche, who had been in a similar state about an hour earlier felt for the girl and said, "Aw, come on, guys. Let's let her go."   
  
"NO!" the other three yelled, and Beruche decided that speaking up would be a bad thing.   
  
"You know, Cal-chan," Petz said conversationally, "we're going to get kicked out of this mall- so how about EARNING it?"   
  
"I couldn't agree more. On the count of three...."   
  
"One..." Petz.  
  
"Two..." Cal.  
  
"THREE!" Cooan yelled as the three of them flipped Malibu up and over into a barrel of various sex toys. Malibu's scream of pain suddenly changed into an operatic solo.   
  
"I wonder what flavors she likes," Petz mused viscously, opening and pouring a bottle of love lotion on the kicking legs.   
  
"Do we really care?" Calaveras asked, sticking porno pictures and those freebie tickets around the barrel.   
  
Beruche put her hand over her eyes and groaned as her sisters proceeded to give Malibu the full treatment. Suddenly, an idea hit her. She slipped out of Spencer's and crept slowly down the mall, heading for Barnes and Noble. If her sisters were thrown out of the mall, she could enjoy a peaceful day by herself...   
  
Cooan, though, with the instinct little sisters ALWAYS possessed, noticed Beruche on her way. "Hey!! Beruche is LEAVING!" she called, distracting her vengeful older sisters.   
  
"Damn that girl," Beruche muttered under her breath as she burst out running. She'd gotten a good head start, so if she could just...she had it! Stopping a security guard, she screamed, "GET TO SPENCER'S! Some customers are assaulting a sales clerk!"   
  
"Oh no you don't!" Cooan snarled, darting between the security guards and doing a graceful flip between the potted plants that lined the walkways.   
  
"GAH!" Beruche broke off running in the opposite direction, slowly leaving a little ice on the floor for her sister to slip on. What fun was making rules if you couldn't break them?   
  
Sure enough, Cooan hit the ice, going about thirty miles an hour. Windmilling her arms, she tried to regain her balance, shrieking all the way. "AHHHHHH!!!!"   
  
Calaveras and Petz finally finished their vengeance and turned to leave.   
  
Just as they left Spencers, they ran smack dab into the security guard, who glanced at them and at poor Malibu, victim of circumstances.   
  
Beruche burst into Sears, running up the escalator and into the computer games where she started catching her breath. "Did I lose her?"   
  
"Hardly!" Cooan said angrily.   
  
The security guards immediately radioed for reinforcements.   
  
"GAHHHH!" Beruche jumped down the escalator and burst out running frantically, Cooan close on her heels.   
  
Behind the two youngest sisters, a literal parade was forming. The officer who had used the walkie talkie was blowing his whistle, demanding that they "Halt!" in a dramatic voice. He had flunked out of the Police Academy, and this was his chance to prove to his professors that he WASN'T too dumb to wear the uniform.   
  
But if that lackey actually thought Cooan and Beruche were going to stop and heed to authority, he had another thought coming. Barreling towards him, Cooan and Beruche smacked hard into the fat man's belly, knocking him flat on his ass. The sisters continued the chase.   
  
"Get BACK here, nee-san!" Cooan shrieked, and Beruche shook her head. "You think I'm stupid?"  
  
The reinforcements chose that moment to arrive. "Stop right there!" the petite woman said, her partner a large bruiser of a man who looked like he spent his free time bench-pressing trucks.   
  
Beruche lifted her eyes heavenward. This was not her day. Suddenly, an evil idea took root in her brain. She slammed on the brakes, Cooan unintentionally running past her and slamming into the huge guard.   
  
"Officers, arrest this woman!" Beruche yelled, pointing a finger at Cooan.   
  
Cooan blinked stupidly, then growled. "NO! ARREST *HER*! She stole my purse!" she said, pointing at her sister, hiding a smug grin.   
  
"Then what's THAT?" Beruche asked smugly, pointing to Cooan's purse, looped around her arm. Cooan blushed, sweatdropped and stammered out a few pitiful excuses.   
  
"Just arrest BOTH of them for disrupting the peace and we'll sort it out later!" the female officer said in an exasperated voice.   
  
"Ummm..." the man scratched his head, looking stupidly at the two girls, who were giving him their most innocent expressions.   
  
Beruche got an idea. She said in a deep voice, "ON YOUR HEADS I PLACE THIS CURSE! ON EVERY NIGHT THAT THE MOON IS FUUUUULL, May your shampoo become mixed up with your Preparation H...AND YOUR HEADS SHRINK TO THE SIZE OF A MUSHROOOOOM!"   
  
"Why do we get all the loonies?" the woman murmured, pulling out her handcuffs. "These two need to be taken in for psychiatric evaluation," she sighed.   
  
Cooan decided to follow Beruche's lead, and pulled out some tears. "WAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHH!" she wailed. "Don't let them take me to the birdie house, Bertie!" she said, clutching her sister.   
  
"Don't worry, Catzi, I won't let them take you to the kennel." Beruche said, grabbing her sister and eyeballing the crowd insanely. "They'll have to get through ME before they can cart you off!" The policemen looked at each other, shaking their heads. Beruche suddenly stiffened as the policeman asked, "Ma'am, what is your name?"   
  
Beruche blinked her big blue eyes at him and said in a southern tone, "Wha...Ah'm Blanche...Blanche DuBois...it means white woods...wait a minute, you're not the gentleman I was expecting! What's going on here?!" As she sank to the floor dramatically, Beruche called out, "Ah don't know who you are, but know this- Ah have alllllways depended upon the kindness of strangers..."   
  
"Wacked," the woman murmured. "I'm sure you have, Ms. Dubois," she said soothingly, trying to get a pair of handcuffs on the pale woman. "Now just put these pretty bracelets on, and we'll get going," she said.   
  
"Oh, but ah just look awwwful in silver..." Beruche said, gazing the woman straight in the eyes. "Isn't that right, Margo?" Cooan nodded and said drunkenly, "Fasten your seatbelt, slutpuppy, this ain't gonna be no cakewalk." The woman rolled her eyes and said, "The correct line is, 'Fasten your seatbelts, it's gonna be a bumpy night.'"   
  
"Well, that, too," Beruche agreed easily. "Would you tattle to the neesans if I used a touch of... ice?" she asked sweetly.   
  
"Not if you don't tell about my turning up the temperature a bit." Cooan said. They turned to the police officers. Beruche yelled, "DARK WATER!" shooting off her attack at the petite woman, while Cooan yelled, "DARK FIRE!" shooting at the larger man.   
  
The security officers, who had been convinced they were dealing with two insane, but relatively harmless chicks, were surprised, to put it mildly. And we ALL know that surprising those people isn't a good idea. The main had a hair trigger, and it took him less then ten seconds to draw his gun and take aim.   
  
Unfortunately for him, Cooan's fire could melt not only a police department .33, but could have evaporated a swimming pool in one shot and maaaaaaybe melted Tammy Faye Bakker's makeup (although that might have been stretching it a bit.)  
  
The fireball plowed right through his gun and smacked flat into him. With a "Ooof!" the man fell to the ground in pain. Beruche's ice attack was not as strong as Cooan's, but the small lady who was the target was not as strong as her counterpart.   
  
The lady grunted and collapsed to the ground as well. Beruche and Cooan high-fived.  
  
"Nice work, Miss DuBois."  
  
"Couldn't have done it without you, Miss Channing."  
  
"Now let's get out of here!" Beruche said eagerly.  
  
Cooan looked thoughtfully at the men. "Do you suppose Petz and Calaveras have gotten themselves out of trouble yet?"   
  
Beruche laughed and started towards Barnes and Noble. "Knowing them, things have only gotten worse."   
  
Beruche didn't know how right she was. Calaveras and Petz were cornered in the back of Spencer's, two security guards were reaching for their handcuffs, with an irate Malibu screaming about how she was going to sue them. Cal turned to Petz and asked, "Got any ideas, nee-san?"   
  
"Um, just a few, and most of them would have the tabloids descend on this place quicker then you could say 'Snap,'" Petz said nervously.   
  
"Well, then, I guess I'll just have to use what comes to hand," Cal said, grabbing one of the licorice whips that was on display. Quickly divesting it of its wrapping, she snapped it. "This might be fun," she mused.   
  
"Keep your sadistic tendencies to yourself, you loon!" Malibu shrieked.   
  
Cal glared at Malibu, and smacked an officer's wrist with the licorice. He dropped his gun, which Cal picked up and trained on Malibu. Petz, meanwhile, was thinking back to the days of hither, thither and yon and High School chemistry class. *If I remember correctly, metal conducts electricity...* Smiling, she yelled "DARK LIGHTNING!" shooting her attack at the other officer. He screamed and dropped his gun. The revolver went off, hitting Malibu in the arm.   
  
The girl fainted dead away. Cal fired the gun at the other officer, hitting him in a spot where he would not be half the man he used to be. Rushing out of Spencer's, the girls caught up with Beruche and Cooan.   
  
Beruche looked at her older sisters with a resigned expression. "We have to get OUT of here now," she complained.   
  
Calaveras gave her a wicked grin. "Why? It'll be more fun to shop if we have a little added excitement."   
  
"Like having the police after us? You two just SHOT people! With NON-MAGICAL WEAPONS!" Beruche said, her voice rising to a screech.   
  
Petz nodded. "Cal, there are four malls total within teleportation area of the mother ship. We've already gotten kicked out of Valentine Hall and Mall De Chic, if we get kicked out of the others I will not be happy. So which one are we going to go to now, West Oaks or Brandywine?" They looked at each other and said in unison, "West Oaks."   
  
*Chapter Three: 12:00 Noon*  
West Oaks had a food court. Calling it that seemed to be slightly derogatory- it wasn't just ANY food court, but THE food court. You name the restaurant, it was there.   
  
Petz was eager to get something to eat within ten minutes of arriving. She had just fried someone, and that always made her hungry.   
  
"Okay, imoutos," Petz said. "I'm really hungry, and I want to eat ASAP. Let's each go to a different place and order enough for everyone, so we can share, all right?" Her sisters nodded. "Good. We'll meet in the Olive Garden. Ladies, to your battle stations!"   
  
Calaveras headed over to McDonalds, grabbing two 20-piece McNuggets and a large order of fries.   
  
Petz went to the Mandarin Wok and ordered a variety of takeout items: won ton soup, sweet and sour chicken, moo shu beef, lots of rice, egg rolls and fortune cookies.   
  
Cooan hit Taco Bell, grabbing two Tacos Del Grande platters with every kind of mexican food imaginable, from burritos and tacos to churros and fried ice cream.  
  
Beruche grabbed the Olive Garden, ordering the Sicilian Tour: lasagna, fettucine alfredo, chicken parmesan, baked ziti, spaghetti and meatballs, tiramisu, chocolate cheesecake, a pitcher of ginger ale for her, two bottles of Chiante for her sisters and a large table near the window. One of the best things about the food court was that you could bring in food from other restaurants if people wanted to eat at different places.  
  
Cooan, Calaveras and Petz joined Beruche a few minutes later. The table Beruche had chosen could fit eight, but there was barely enough room for all the food. The people nearby were amazed...how could four such slender women eat all that? Then they noticed the location of the restrooms and nodded sadly. Eating disorders were everywhere.  
  
The sisters began to eat, enjoying every morsel of the tasty food. Unfortunately, whenever the sisters have to share anything, fights are not far away...  
  
"Calaveras, quit hogging the french fries!"  
  
"I bought 'em! Calm down, you spaz!"  
  
"I shared my churros with you!"  
  
"So? They're my fries!"  
  
"Will you two shut up? People are staring at us!"  
  
"SHUT UP, BERUCHE!"  
  
Petz took advantage of the argument to steal a couple of fries. She grinned maliciously at her sister. Calaveras glared at Petz, which gave Cooan a golden opportunity to sprinkle Cal's fries with a few extra packets of salt.  
  
Beruche also decided to take advantage of the situation by splashing the fries with a smattering of hot sauce. Cal didn't see that, but thought Cooan and Beruche were stealing her fries as well. She grabbed all of them in her hand and shoved them in her mouth. Oh, dear.  
  
"GAAAAAAHHHH!" Gulping down liquids to cool her mouth off, Cal sent a death glare to each of her sisters. "Who spiked my fries?!"  
  
Cooan, Petz and Beruche blinked innocently at her. Cal grumbled and crunched down on an egg roll. They'd get theirs, but not now. That would be too obvious.  
  
Blissful silence ruled for a few moments. Then trouble started anew...this time between Beruche and Petz.  
  
"Beruche, hand over the cheesecake."  
  
"Just a second, lemme finish this piece."  
  
"I meant ALL the cheesecake, Beruche."  
  
"You're out of your mind."  
  
Beruche shoved as much cheesecake in her mouth as she could. Cheesecake was nirvana, and she wanted to taste as much as possible.  
  
Unfortunately for Beruche, her sisters grabbed the cheesecake off of her plate and she was helpless to stop them, completely unable to move.  
  
Beruche gulped down some water, grimacing as the taste of cheesecake was destroyed. Grabbing the untouched fried ice cream off Cooan's plate, she stormed over to where a cute guy was sitting by himself. "Hi," she said silkily. "Mind if I sit here?"  
  
The guy looked at the vision of loveliness standing before him. Beruche was easily the most beautiful of the sisters and when she turned on the charm, she was irresistible. He shook his head no.  
  
Beruche sat down next to him, ignoring the glares from her sisters. True, Petz had Saffir, and Cooan loved Rubeus, and even Beruche had hinted at a relationship with Demando himself, but all that went straight out the window when there was a cute guy in the room.  
  
Beruche said, "I'm Beruche. What's your name?" The guy swallowed and said, "Koji. Koji Hasara."  
  
Beruche nodded and took a dainty bite of ice cream. Smiling seductively at him, she asked, "Want some?"  
  
Koji nodded, unable to believe his luck. Beruche took a big scoop, put it on her tongue and kissed him, all the while sending out a telepathic message to her sisters: ~Eat your hearts out, suckers!~  
  
That did it. Calaveras stormed over and yelled, "Sir, I demand that you unhand my sister! She's not even eighteen yet! True, she might have a little problem with nymphomania, but that's no reason to take advantage of her!"  
  
Beruche broke her kiss. *No...I did not just hear that. Cal's mean, but she's not THAT mean...* Koji looked back and forth between Beruche and Cal, then shook his head and left the restaurant. Beruche, to put it lightly, was angry. VERY angry.   
  
Standing up, she yelled, "Why'd you have to do that, Cal? Why?" Angrily turning to Petz and Cooan, she bellowed, "And you two are no better! Whenever I get something or someone, you three have to find a way to take it away from me! Why? Why can't you just be happy that I'm happy?" Turning around and bursting into tears, Beruche ran out of the restaurant. Cal bit her lip and returned to the sisters's table. All three finished the meal silently, feeling rather guilty.   
  
"We really should be a little nicer to her," Petz said softly.   
  
Cal looked at her older sister. "I know, but when she GLOATS like that...."   
  
Cooan nodded her agreement. "It would be nice if we could be a touch more understanding," she said softly, then smiled brilliantly. "We should feel glad for her, anyway, since she's the homely one. If SHE can get cute guys, IMAGINE what WE can do! I mean, Petz hooked a Prince!"   
  
Beruche sat down on a bench about halfway across the mall from the food court. She put her head in her hands and sobbed as though her heart would break. A few people stopped and asked if she was all right, to which she just nodded and kept crying. After a little bit, she felt a comforting hand on her shoulder and a familiar voice. "Beruche? We're sorry. I'm sorry. I didn't think you'd take it that hard..."   
  
Beruche looked up at Cal, who was standing there, looking genuinely miserable. "Will you forgive me, please?" Beruche nodded and Cal hugged her imouto. Petz and Cooan joined in, ignoring the few people who were staring at the group hug.   
  
Beruche finally gave them a smile. "You know, you COULD attempt to make it up to me...." she said suggestively.   
  
Cooan caught on immediately. "I'm not THAT sorry!" she protested.   
  
Petz shot her a glare while Calaveras muffled the youngest with a hand across her mouth. "We'll do whatever you want, hon," Petz said graciously.   
  
Beruche clapped her hands together like a child. "Barnes and Noble!"   
  
Cal stifled a groan- she had promised Beruche she'd do what she wanted, and she really was sorry about ruining Beruche's chance. Suddenly, she saw something that made her stop dead in her tracks and laugh. She nearly fell on the floor, she was laughing so hard. By the time she regained her consciousness, she grabbed Beruche's arm and said, "L-look over there!" Beruche looked. There was Koji, involved in a deep kiss with a muscular man.   
  
Beruche couldn't help it. She leaned back her head and laughed all the way to the bookstore.   
  
"She tricked us," Cooan muttered to herself, lagging way back. "I really DON'T want to go."   
  
Calaveras smiled at her over her shoulder. "Don't you need to get your monthly Harlequins? Which ones are you following? Passion?"   
  
Cooan decided to embarrass her sister. "Well, you can pay for it when you're replacing your copy of 'The Joys of Sex'. You ruined it when you dropped it in the bathtub while reading it, ne?" she asked, loudly enough for mothers to pull their children away.   
  
Calaveras turned scarlet, turned up her collar and walked a little faster. Her sisters snickered to themselves and followed her.   
  
Barnes and noble was utopia as far as the book-inclined Beruche was concerned. There were so many options, but she always had such an impossible time trying to get her sisters to go with her.   
  
Cooan groaned. There was always the music section....   
  
Beruche looked at the different sections. Decisions, decisions...finally, she headed off towards Mystery. Cooan headed to the music section and started listening to a Madonna CD. Calaveras settled down in the cafe with a cup of espresso and a Stephen King book, while Petz, enjoying the bliss, sat down on a comfortable chair with a copy of Pride and Prejudice. Beruche sat down next to Petz, said, "Thank you, nee-san," softly and started reading Sparkling Cyanide happily.   
  
Let's take a step back and reflect on the situation here. Ayakashis, acting calmly? Not bloody likely to stay that way. Now let's add in the other major reactant- caffeine. Ayakashi + Caffeine = disasters is a formula that should be written in all the science books.   
  
It started with Calaveras. Cal was reading happily, sipping on her espresso with abandon when someone sat down across from her.... a female who looked about sixteen. The girl had piercings in every possible place, and black hair that was streaked with pink highlights that almost made Sailor Moon's hairdo look mundane.   
  
"My friends and I," she said, pointing at a table nearby, "were wondering if you'd give us the name of your plastic surgeon?"   
  
"I BEG your pardon!" Cal snapped, glaring at the girl. The teen popped her gum carelessly. "We were wondering where you bought your knockers."  
  
"Kn-kn-KNOCKERS?!" Cal was so angry she could barely speak.  
  
"Come on, those can't be real."  
  
Cal leapt on the table, fueled by the caffeine, and pointed a finger down at the impudent girl. "I WILL HAVE YOU KNOW, MISSY, THAT THESE ARE 100% NATURAL!"   
  
Petz put her book aside to watch, but Beruche just grabbed her drink and book and ducked under the table. This was going to get ugly.   
  
"Riiiight. And I suppose you're going to tell me that face is natural, too. Hon, you can see the stretch marks." That did it. Before, the girl had stood some chance of surviving the day. Now her chances were slim to none.   
  
"Why you LITTLE...!!" Calaveras said, lunging towards the teen, who ducked out of the way, shrieking at the top of her lungs.   
  
"HELP!! She's trying to MOLEST me!"   
  
"Don't insult me, you little brat! I'd never even TRY to molest you! I'm just going to KILL YOU!" Calaveras pulled her whip out and in one lasso tied up the six terrified teenagers.   
  
The patrons were not about to tolerate the assault of innocent teens. A man jumped from behind the counter and grabbed her around the waist, trying to get her to let go.   
  
Cal merely turned around and with one complete swivel of her hips, threw the man off. He crashed through the glass counter of the cafe. Cal tightened the whip even harder.   
  
Meanwhile, over in the music section...  
  
"LAAAAAAAAAAAAAHK A VIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIRGIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIN!" Cooan sang, very loudly, very off-key. The other patrons, a bit annoyed, were ready to throw the strange woman out of the store.  
  
Beruche sighed from under the table, turning a page, and Petz wished she had a camera. This would be perfect blackmail material, she thought, as a fifty-year-old woman through her latte in Calaveras's face.   
  
"YEEEEAH!" Cal screamed as the hot coffee splattered on her face. Glaring at the patrons, she pulled out another whip and with one loud *CRACK!* tied the lot of them up. Unfortunately, the fight had left her quite winded, so she sat down to rest for a little bit.   
  
Cooan was in the music section, oblivious to it all. She had smuggled her drink over, which the clerks had overlooked, but they would not be able to ignore her screeching. She sounded like the cat that her hairstyle made her represent.   
  
"BAAAAAAAH BAAAAAAH MISS AMERICAN PAAAAAAAH, PUT THE CHEVY TO THE LEVY AND GO ON AND DRIIIIIIIIVE! AN' GOOD OL'-"  
  
"Excuse me, ma'am? Could you please keep your voice down? Some people are trying to read."   
  
Cooan ignored this. She ignored everything that got in the way of her fun.   
  
Beruche noticed that she ran out of espresso. With a sigh, she crawled from under the table. "Onee-san, can you get me another?" she asked sweetly.   
  
Petz sighed and headed over into the battlefield. Noticing the espresso machine had broken in the fight, she called out, "Beruche, the machine's broken. You want something else?" Beruche called back, "A blackberry Italian soda, if they have it!"   
  
"It couldn't be something easy, could it?" Petz muttered, but went to find her one.   
  
"EXCUSE ME MA'AM! WOULD YOU PLEASE STOP SINGING!" The manager himself came out to yell at Cooan, unaware of the chaos that was going on in the other room. Cooan ignored him, her voice getting more and more off-key.  
  
"WE STARTED SIIIIIINGING BAH BAH, MISS AMERICAN PAH-"  
  
The manager had had enough. He ripped the headphones off Cooan's ears and said, "Miss, PLEASE stop singing!"  
  
"You didn't have to be so rude about it!" she protested, then her ears perked up as she got that inkling of what troubling her other sisters had gotten into.  
  
"'Scuse me..." she mumbled, pushing past him and heading over to the cafe. Seeing everyone tied up, she hissed, "WHAT were you DOING?"  
  
Calaveras just sulked for a second before saying, "YOU HAVE NO RIGHT! I'M THE ONEESAMA!"  
  
"Well, when you turned the place into a disaster area, I have EVERY right!" Cooan retorted. She hated being the youngest, and it irritated her when they reminded her of it.  
  
Cal merely smirked and ignored Cooan. The youngest sister started fuming. When Cooan got mad (which happened all too often) it was NOT a pretty sight.  
  
Cooan's nails extended and she took a swat at Calaveras's pretty features. Groaning, Petz watched as she came back to give Beruche her drink. "Shall we stop them?"  
  
"No. Ten dollars on Calaveras."  
  
"Fifteen on Cooan."  
  
"Deal."  
  
The two sat back and started watching the cat fight with interest.  
  
Calaveras ducked, managing to get under Cooan's guard and wrapping her manicured hands around her youngest sister's slender neck. Cooan gargled a little, and reached out, trying to dig her fingernails into her sister's gel-swept hair.  
  
The nails, unfortunately, slashed Calaveras's outfit instead. Letting out a scream, the sister of love threw her imouto into the glass case of pastries.   
  
Beruche put out a hand. "Pay up."  
  
Petz glared but forked over the money with a frown. "I guess it doesn't matter- it's Rubeus' anyway."  
  
Beruche grinned and pocketed the cold, hard cash. Cooan stepped out of the display, eyes twirling around in opposite directions and Petz raised Cal's fist. "The winner, and still champeen, Miss Calaveras Ayakashi!"  
  
"We HAVE to get out of here. Someone called mall security on us," Petz said, glaring at the frightened spectators.  
  
"Great. We have, what, two malls left?" Beruche asked, sliding up to Cooan so she could support her.  
  
"One," Cal said softly. "Just Brandywine."  
  
Beruche nodded. "Okay, you guys go on ahead. I'm going to buy some stuff. I'll catch up."  
  
"Unlike those two, *I* didn't do anything."  
  
Petz nodded, grabbed Cooan and Cal and teleported out. Beruche hooked a chain onto the Mystery section and dragged it over to the cashier. Beruche slapped down her Discover card and said sweetly, "Charge it."  
  
The clerk looked at her, wondering what to do. He had just seen the women she had entered with tear the place apart. Surely she couldn't be THAT serious....  
  
"All...all right," he said, starting to scan the books.  
  
Beruche noticed the guards about to enter and decided to make sure they couldn't get in. Since none of her sisters were there, that meant her contract against magic was null and void. After all, what they didn't know couldn't hurt them, ne? Narrowing her eyes, she summoned her magic. With a graceful pirouette, she cast forth a wall of ice. The people were now trapped but a foot of ice. "Well, keep ringing it up, and I'll let you out sooner," she told the shaken clerk. He managed to start double-timing it, and another clerk joined him as well.  
  
It took him over fifteen minutes, but the clerk finally got all the books scanned. Beruche gathered them up into a large sack, kissed him on the cheek, said, "Thanks, sweetie," and vanished into thin air, the wall of ice disappearing with her.   
  
"I think I need to go to the hospital," the clerk said, fainting. When he woke up, he had a headache, and was also on the verge of a nervous breakdown.   
  
It shouldn't be surprising for anyone to learn that he ended up in Betty Ford within the next two years.   
  
*Chapter Four: 3:00 PM*  
Four bathroom stalls simultaneously slammed shut as four women teleported inside them.   
  
"All right," Petz said in a low tone of voice. "We're down to our last mall. If we get kicked out of this one, you don't even want to know what I'll do."   
  
"What YOU'LL do?" Calaveras asked. "What will *I* do? I haven't even gotten to chose the store yet!" she said, glaring at the youngest, who had the grace to look slightly ashamed, even though Cooan privately felt none of it had been her fault.   
  
"It's MY turn, now!"  
  
"All right, where do you want to go, Cal?"  
  
An evil grin. "BEST BUY!"  
  
The others groaned, but it was Cal's choice- they'd just have to get through the electronics store as best they could.   
  
Beruche liked computers, she honestly did, but she always found it pointless shopping in the twentieth century when Saffir had thirtieth century technology he was all too willing to share. Still, Calaveras liked the simplicity of this time period's electronic gadgetry, so they were off.   
  
Once there, the trouble began.   
  
Calaveras was looking for an iMac computer for herself- unfortunately, they seemed to be out of stock. She stopped a passing sales clerk and asked, "Excuse me, where are the iMacs?"  
  
He smiled and said, "We're trying out a new style of iMacs- they're called iFruitys."   
  
"IFRUITYS?" Beruche asked. He nodded. "They're available in lime, cherry, mango, kiwi, strawberry, raspberry, coconut, blueberry and blackberry- and the blueberries are going out of stock soon, so you might want to get one."   
  
At the words 'going out of stock,' Cooan's ears perked up. "Going out of stock?" she asked. "You mean...like RETIRE???" Her sisters realized the look in her face and grabbed for her...but missed.   
  
Cooan pulled out her Visa and ran around the store madly, screaming, "I WANT EVERY BLUEBERRY IFRUITY YOU'VE GOT IN STOCK!"   
  
Beruche yelled after her, "COOAN, THIS ISN'T LIKE BEANIE BABIES!" Her younger sister paid no heed, but screamed, "TRUCKS! I NEED TRUCKS!"   
  
"Something is seriously wrong with that girl," Calaveras murmured to her older sister. "We only dropped her on her head twice- I don't think that was enough to do any damage that serious."   
  
"Personally, I think that cheap hairdye she uses ate through into her brain," Beruche mumbled, watching Cooan tear around the place like a demented soccer player.   
  
An Ayakashi on a buying spree is a truly scary thing. It's been know to send the staunchest salesclerk to the land of the loading docks (where there was no customer involvement), or make a store clear the red.   
  
"OOOOOHHHHHHHH!!!" Cooan said. "I want a strawberry too!! And do you have anything like whipped creamed?"   
  
"What does she think this is, a grocery store?" Calaveras asked rhetorically.   
  
Beruche merely sighed and asked, "Nee-san, which of these do you think I should get?" Calaveras shrugged, "I don't know...the raspberry ones are nice. I think I'll get that one."  
  
"Saffir might like to have an artifact of this time," Beruche murmured as she picked out a blackberry one, a smile working over her face.   
  
Petz glared at her younger sister. "Don't you have ANY thoughts that way," she said. Saffir is MINE! If I have to, I'll tattoo 'Property of Petz' on his backside!"   
  
Beruche blushed and whispered, "Gomen..." as she quickly put the computer back and headed to another aisle.   
  
"I can't believe she backed off that easily. Maybe we should get something for Rubeus?" Calaveras suggested as they heard Cooan exclaim how CUTE the mouse pads were.   
  
"Rubeus? Do something technical?" Petz snorted. "If you really want to get him something, I suggest we go back to Spencer's."   
  
"And risk the wrath of Malibu-baka? NO thank you!" Cal said vehemently.   
  
Cooan glanced over all the computer equipment, proclaiming just how ADORABLE everything was. Rubbing a hand softly across a monitor, she cooed lovingly to it, causing the storeclerks to look at each other and become not a little worried.   
  
Beruche, though, was just about to lose her record for good behavior. She smiled at a computer screen, admiring her reflection. She wondered how she could have such ugly sisters.   
  
And when Beruche is feeling mischievous, unfortunately she likes to sing.   
  
"I feel pretty...oh, so pretty..."   
  
Beruche's voice was sweet, but other customers were starting to stare. A salesclerk walked up to her. He was about sixteen, and very self-important as one of the few people in the store who actually understood the difference between a hardware and software. "Miss, if you don't stop singing, I'm going to kick you out," he threatened.   
  
At that moment, scenes from 'Death Comes For the Archbishop' flew through Beruche's mind. "Sir, I am a paying customer. I have been a customer of this store for almost a year now, and I have NEVER been treated as shabbily as today." She was starting to work up a steam and the salesclerk stepped back a few paces. Cooan, Petz and Calaveras watched from a nearby aisle. Beruche getting mad? They wouldn't miss this for the world.   
  
Beruche continued her tirade, "I am one of the most beautiful and intelligent women in the world and if I want to sing in a store, by God, that's my business! Where I come from, back in Georgia, we have a pageant- the Miss Georgia pageant! And I sang- oh, did I sing!" Jabbing her finger into the man's chest, her eyes started glowing with intensity.   
  
"I sang 'Total Eclipse Of The Heart', and after that song, I received a fourteen-minute standing ovation and I just stood there, the flames flickering and illuminating the tears of happiness on my face. And I will have you know, mister," her voice rose into a hellcat screech, "THAT WAS THE NIGHT THE LIGHTS WENT OUT IN GEORGIA!" The man tripped backwards over a stray modem, scrambled to his feet and ran off, vowing to find a new place to work.   
  
As he burst out of the store running, the customers, including her sisters, all stood and started clapping, cheering for Beruche. She bit her lip, a sweet smile on her face and took a bow.   
  
"That's what the little twerp gets for being obnoxious," she said. "Cooan, dear, get your iFruitys mailed to that post office box we set up, and let's go. This place has bad memories," Beruche said.   
  
Cooan nodded, and handed over her VISA. The clerk, grateful to get rid of the annoying brat, managed to slip her his employee discount.   
  
"Thank you, ladies. We here at Best Buy," the employees brought up their two fingers to their eyebrows, "salute you!"   
  
The girls headed out of the store- Cooan stopping suddenly. "Hey! That's the first time someone's THANKED us for causing a disturbance!"   
  
"BITE YOUR LIP!" the other three sisters said.  
  
"Ok, where now?" Cooan asked hurriedly.  
  
"It's Petz's choice this time," Beruche pointed out.  
  
Petz sighed happily. "The pet store."   
  
The other three stared at her and said in unison, "WHAAAAAAT?"   
  
"The feathers on my battle armor are starting to shed. I need to look into seeing about replacements, and I like using LIVE birds- you get better results."   
  
The others shuddered, but followed anyway, feeling sorry for whatever bird Petz chose out as suitable.   
  
At the pet store, Cooan was easily occupied watching the hamsters run around and around in their cages. Calaveras picked up a calico kitten and started stroking her lovingly while Beruche scratched a happy dachshund behind the ears.   
  
Petz, though, was on a mission. Walking over, she began to look at birds, squawking like one when she saw the $500 price tag on a large parrot. "Wha-at?" she exclaimed.   
  
"That's one of our rarer breeds," a nearby clerk said silkily. "There are some less expensive birds over there," he pointed to a large aviary with dozens of parakeets and lovebirds inside.   
  
"I need the feathers," Petz said. "Beruche, is this red going to clash?" she asked, dragging her sister over and pointing.   
  
"Clash with what? Your casual wear or your formal wear or your battle armor or..."   
  
"All three!" Petz snapped irritably. Beruche gulped. She was caught in a moral dilemma here- if she said no, they wouldn't clash, that poor birdie would be dead. On the other hand, if she said that the feathers WOULD clash, chances were SHE'D be dead. Taking a deep breath, she squeaked out, "Yes."   
  
"Yes to which?" Petz wanted to know.   
  
"All of them- you have green hair, nee-san. If you wear red, you'll look like a Christmas ornament."   
  
Petz glared at her sister. "I would NOT look like a Christmas ornament, missy!" Storming off, a sudden flash of green caught her eye. "Turning to the salesclerk, she asked, "How much for THAT parrot?"   
  
"That's not a parrot. That's a jade-breasted cockatiel."  
  
"Whatever. How much?"   
  
"Out of your price range," the clerk said coldly. There was no way he was going to sell an animal to this woman- more likely then not, she would pull a Cruella De Ville on the poor creature.   
  
Beruche took an opportunity to run back and hide with the dachshund. Things were going to get uuuuuugly.   
  
"I can pay any price," Petz said through clenched teeth. "How much?"   
  
"Ma'am, this isn't for sale," the clerk said, trying a different tactic.   
  
Petz started to become annoyed. And whe Petz is annoyed, chances are if you didn't give her EXACTLY what she wanted, you were going to feel pain.   
  
"I SAID, I can pay any price! HOW MUCH?"   
  
"Fifty thousand dollars," the clerk said, naming a price that was ridiculous. Surely the woman would have enough sense to back off and leave the poor animal alone.   
  
Petz merely smiled and pulled a Mastercard out of her purse. "Charge it," she said, slapping the plastic card in the man's hand.   
  
"We don't take credit cards."   
  
She pointed to the handy sticker on the door which proudly announced every credit card under the sun was cheerfully accepted. "Oh?"   
  
"I apologize. What I meant to say was that we don't take credit cards from YOU."   
  
Beruche shook her head. Dead, dead, dead. The man had as good as signed his death certificate.   
  
"What did you say?" Petz asked in a frighteningly calm voice.   
  
"I said, we will not take credit cards from you. I refuse to sell you an animal. Any animal. You are obviously an evil, ugly woman who will stop at nothing to secure her own wants. Now get out of this store."   
  
Petz had been annoyed before, but by calling her ugly, the clerk had hit her "piss-off" button.   
  
"Calaveras, calm her DOWN!" Beruche said. "If she loses her temper, we're done for! No more mall!"   
  
"No...more...mall?" Cal whispered, turning white. Yanking out a whip, she lassoed Petz and dragged her over. "Deep healing breath, Petz, deep healing breath," Cal instructed.   
  
"HE CALLED ME UGLY!" she yelled. "I must have vengeance! I'm going to take him and make it so he can't even LOOK at a woman, much less DO anything with her!" She squirmed, trying to go for the clerk, who was trying to remain brave.   
  
Beruche ran over to the man and said quietly, "You can't ask me what I'm going to do now, but I'm going to make sure you get away from her." Gripping his shoulder, she sent him teleporting away, into a place where no man has ever gone before...the ladies room.   
  
With no target, Petz was forced to calm down. She was swearing violently, but then her eyes brightened. "Since he's not here, I might as well just take the stupid thing."  
  
"And get us in trouble for stealing?" Cooan asked. "I don't think so. You can get it when we're reading to leave. Besides, it wouldn't hurt you to think about using faux like I do. We don't want those animal rights activists coming down on the Senshi's side of things just because of our wardrobe."   
  
Calaveras asked, "If I let you go, will you promise to be good?" Petz nodded tartly. Cal untied the lasso and let her older sister free.   
  
Swearing, Petz stalked out of the shop, but not before magically undoing all the locks on the cages.   
  
"Um, getting out of here now would be a good idea," Beruche said as a snake slithered free.  
  
Cal nodded and left some change on the counter to pay for the calico kitten she'd fallen in love with. Cooan screeched as the hamsters started running over her shoes and Beruche gave the dachshund one last hug before she set it back down.   
  
"So you're just going to cart that kitten around the mall?" Petz asked angrily. She didn't see why her sisters hadn't let her take the bird, but didn't complain when Cal bought a kitten.   
  
"Sure!" Cal said as the kitten playfully acquired a death grip on Beruche's braid. The pale sister's eyes filled with tears, but she managed to say, "She's really cute, Cal."   
  
Cooan piped up, "Uh, guys...the hamsters...are running up my pants..."   
  
Refraining from the obvious comments, the sisters took off into the mall. "Ok, where next?" Beruche asked.   
  
Cooan batted at the lumps in her pants, and said, "Back! Get out!"  
  
Cal was too busy cuddling the kitten to respond. Beruche looked over at her other sister. "Petz?"   
  
"I still need to replace that outfit that got destroyed in the first mall," she said. "Some kind of clothing store- a GOOD one. I want to shamelessly indulge myself."   
  
Cooan, Beruche and Cal, unable to resist, all called out, "J.C. Penney, YEAH!"  
  
Petz glared at them. Beruche giggled and said, "How about Neiman Marcus, then?"   
  
"Perfect. And I want the WHOLE works. And let's make a deal- no matter WHAT the provocation, EVERYONE will restrain themselves until AFTER I have purchased an outfit, complete with make-up, perfume, shoes, purse and jewelry. Otherwise, you'll find out how FRIGHTENING onee-sama can be."  
  
Three uneasy glances. "Okay," Cooan said. "But can I at least go to the bathroom and get these hamsters out first?"   
  
Beruche winced. She had forgotten where she had placed the clerk until Cooan had brought it up. It was undoubtedly a place of chaos by now, and letting the clerk within reach of Petz (who had her hair-trigger temper barely controlled at this point) would be bad. Very, VERY bad. "Um, let's use the one of the second floor- it's on the way!" Beruche said cheerfully.   
  
Cooan looked over at her suspiciously but said, "All right..." and ran up to the rest room. After a few minutes, she came out, smiling. Cal looked her over. "Where are the hamsters?"   
  
Cooan merely smiled and made a flushing movement with her hand.   
  
Petz frowned. "What's the differences between hamsters and a bird?" she asked when neither of the other sisters voiced an objection (they were stunned beyond words.)   
  
"Not much..." Beruche said weakly. Cal gaped, "You actually flushed those poor little rats down the john?"  
  
Cooan laughed and shook her head. "Of course not! I dropped them down another lady's pants!"   
  
The sisters burst out laughing. "That was evil!" Petz said, holding her sides. "You're definitely one of the family!"   
  
"Thank you, thank you very much," Cooan said in an 'Elvis' voice as the girls walked towards Neiman Marcus.   
  
Neiman Marcus- a shopper's dream. Provided the shopper had plenty of cash, and was willing to spend it. Still, as they entered the elegant atmosphere, the quality of the place seemed to actually get to them. Without even thinking about it, they modulated their voices and stopped swaggering a little.   
  
Cal quickly plopped her kitten in her purse and the others headed off to the different departments.   
  
Petz was determined to get her outfit. She knew that the promise she had extracted from her sisters probably wouldn't work, so she made a beeline for Intimates immediately. She shopped under the "inside out" buying philosophy- usually it gave her and excuse to go back and buy MORE clothes and undergarments later.   
  
A woman with purple hair turned around and said in a cultured British accent, "Welcome to Intimate Apparel. Miss Brams, will you please escort the lady to the dressing room?"   
  
Petz glared at the woman. "could you at least let me look around before sending me into the fitting room?" she demanded.   
  
The woman bristled, but said, "Carry on..." unhappily.   
  
Cooan headed over into the perfumes and was immediately assaulted by two VERY overeager sales clerks.   
  
After getting doused in Obsession and White Diamonds (which, incidently, react to each other to produce a scent a skunk would shy away from), a third clerk came towards her, waving a bottle of faux perfume. "It smells just like Eternity!" she promised.   
  
"I'M ALLERGIC, YOU MORONS!" Cooan screamed, rushing out and into the men's wear department.   
  
Calaveras had started out in the footwear section, and she was looking for leather. Lots of leather.   
  
"Hmm," she muttered, looking at a pair of leather pumps. "Bitch-pumps...not bad, not bad..."   
  
Then her eyes alighted on a pair of high black leather boots. "Ooo!" she said. They were the kind that were MEANT to be worn under long dresses, and looked perfectly trampy if worn with a short skirt.   
  
"Ayakashi sister" was written all over it.   
  
Cal started drooling over the boots, and picked them up...only to have her hopes crushed by the huge price tag. She'd already spent a lot that day, and this would push her credit card over the limit.   
  
Then she decided the hell with it. money didn't matter when you pretty much were conquering the world. She'd use Esmeraude's credit cards if she had to. Esmeraude's credit limit was, frankly, unbelievable.   
  
Taking the Diner's Choice out of her pocket, Cal grinned as she picked up a few boxes of shoes.   
  
However, there is still one Ayakashi sister unaccounted for, and it was entirely her fault for what happened to Neiman Marcus.   
  
Well, not entirely. Beruche was the best behaved of the lot, but that wasn't saying much. There's a saying: it's always the quiet ones.   
  
Beruche still felt like her sisters owed her something, so she was walking around, trying to find SOME way to have fun and put the blame on them.   
  
It was in the makeup aisle that The Idea came to her. Grinning, she started making her face over, smiling at the vision of beauty that greeted her. A salesclerk came over and asked, "Could I help you, ma'am?"   
  
"Well..." she hesitated, then looked up shyly. "Actually, you can. My sisters are here, and they all wanted to sign up for makeovers after they finished shopping. You're to charge it to one Kureino Rubeus."   
  
"Is that K-U-R-A or K-U-R-E?" the clerk asked. Beruche spelled it for him and the clerk smiled back at her. God, he loved this job.   
  
Smiling, she continued blithely down her isle.   
  
Petz poked around the bra and panty racks, blushing a little at some of the more racy numbers. She found one that matched her hair. Pulling it out, her face turned scarlet as she realized how much of it WASN'T there. She started to shove it back, but then picture how Saffir would react.   
  
A grin lit up her face as she pulled out a package and put it under her arm.   
  
Cooan had recovered from the sales clerks and decided to go to the children's department and scare little people.   
  
In the aisle of impossibly small clothes, Cooan stumbled across a very harried mother (who was dressed in what looked like an original pantsuit by some foreign designer with an unpronounceable name) with three children tugging on her elegant clothes. The oldest two looked about ten and were clearly identical twins, while the daughter, about two years younger, had coppery red hair.   
  
Cooan grinned evilly and prepared to dump a pile of clothes on the four of them, when the mother grabbed her sleeve and asked, "Miss, could you help us out?"   
  
"Wha-at?" she stammered, starting to look for an escape route. This wasn't going the way she had planned.   
  
"Tell me, I'm trying to find a dress for my daughter...which color do you think looks best?"  
  
Cooan sweatdropped and said, "Brown. Definitely. And I think those orange shoes would go lovely with it."   
  
The woman raised an eyebrow. "I was thinking something a little more spring-like...." she said uncertainly.   
  
"In winter? I think not!" Cooan said indignantly. "Now...with this, try these red tights...and this black hair bow with the cute little skulls on it..."   
  
Cooan could practically see the woman's eyes spinning as the little girl began to chortle. She had been wrong; this had potential.   
  
"I think we'll be going now..." the woman said, starting to drag her girls off. Her youngest started throwing a tantrum. "NOOOOOOOOOO! I WANNA STAY WITH THE FUNNY LADY!"   
  
Beruche meanwhile was having a grand old time. After arranging for make overs for her sisters, she headed to the perfume aisle that Cooan had so recently abandoned.   
  
Knowing her sisters' dislike of certain fragrances, she started to place her orders, dodging the overly enthusiastic salesclerk who was ready to attack her with a bottle of Sunflowers. Damn, she thought. They HAVE to do something about these clerks who work on commission.   
  
Making sure Petz got a bottle of Coco, Cal some Exclamation and Cooan Chanel No. 5, she picked up a bottle of her own fave, White Diamonds.   
  
Beruche headed over from perfumes to the kitchen area, where an evil idea took root in her brain. Putting on an apron, she turned around and said in a clipped British accent to all the customers nearby, "HELLO, and welcome to Julia Child's cooking show! Today, we'll be learning how to make a delicious CHERRIES JUBILLEE!"   
  
The customers gawked at the woman who was acting like an escapee from the mental ward. A few of them started to inch away, but their knees froze up- literally. The temperature in the store dropped about 20 degrees in twenty seconds.   
  
In Intimates, Petz felt it, but as she was currently clad only in a silk teddy, she couldn't do anything about it.   
  
"Damn that Beruche!"  
  
Beruche, grinning insanely, started to whip up the crust. "Now, we need to remove the pits and stems from the cherries. And how do we do this? Simple!" Pulling out a large steak knife, she brought it down hard, "FIRST WE CHOP OFF THEIR LITTLE HEADS!"   
  
One of the people shrieked and tried to jump out of the way, but Beruche leveled a cold glare on them. The person felt a serious case of frostbite crawl up their legs.   
  
Now Cooan felt the temperature problem. As the sister of fire, she had an inherent dislike of the cold, but she was having too much fun torturing the Mayflower Society member to really care.   
  
"I was not referring to you, you silly person! I was chopping off the CHERRY'S head, not yours!" To demonstrate, she brought down the knife and split the cherry right in two. "We continue doing this until we are ready to bake. With this, I always serve a nice brandy, so check your cupboards!"   
  
"She's probably HAD all the brandy already," a brave soul murmured.   
  
"Don't be silly! I'm never drunk on camera!" Beruche said, flinging the knife at him. He turned pale as the knife sliced off a good chunk of his hair, but missed anything vital. The knife stuck in the wall, slicing a calender in two.   
  
Calaveras, who had moved into belts, was trying to decide if it was worth going to stop Beruche from being rash. Her imouto was obviously using magic, but.... well, the day WAS almost over...  
  
Eventually, she decided to keep as far away from the cooking demonstration as possible and joined Petz in Intimates. "Any luck, nee-san?"   
  
Petz was shivering. "Couldn't she behave just this ONCE?" Petz whined.   
  
Cal handed Petz a warm down jacket. "She HAS been good most of the day...how's the stuff look here?" she asked, pawing through some bras.   
  
Petz sighed, grateful for the warmth. "Not horrible, but I haven't found the perfect set yet. And I doubt I will, since I give us another ten minutes before we manage to get thrown out."   
  
Cal grinned, "Tell you what, how about if I go around and get you some stuff? I've got what I was after and I've got some time to kill. What do you want?"   
  
"A NICE outfit. Saffir is going to be taking me out to dinner tomorrow night."   
  
Calaveras raised an eyebrow. "Does he know?"   
  
"He will soon."   
  
Cal rolled her eyes. "Any colors in particular or just your usual?"  
  
"Do you have to ask?"  
  
"Alright...what length of dress?"   
  
"Something that says, 'Damn you're sexy,' not 'Damn, you're a slut.'"   
  
"Show me where."  
  
Petz motioned to a couple inches below the knee. "Good luck, Cal. I'm counting on you."   
  
Cal nodded, accepting the mission   
  
Beruche meanwhile was busy freezing innocent bystanders, unaware that one of them just happened to be a senshi.   
  
Aino Minako had decided that she needed a new outfit, and had stolen her father's credit card to get it. Her cat, Artemis, hid inside the wicker basket she was carrying.   
  
"Brrr...I've had enough!" Somehow breaking free of the cold spell, she slipped into the clothes racks and transformed. Stepping back out, she called out, "VENUS LOVE-ME CHAIN!" and smacked the bowl of cherries out of Beruche's hand. The sister moaned as her hard work hit the floor and broke apart.   
  
Beruche's eyes widened as she saw who her tormenter was. "YOU!" she exclaimed angrily. "You have to pester me on my day off! Well, I'll show you!"   
  
"DAAAAAAAAAAAARK WAAAAAAAAATER!" Beruche flung the frigid water (which was nearly ice, what with the freezing temperatures) at the lone Sailor Senshi.   
  
Cooan heard her sister's war cry. "What on EARTH is Beruche doing?" she wondered aloud, wandering off to see, leaving a very amused eight year old and her fried mother.   
  
Calaveras, on the other hand, was wisely staying out of the conflict...mostly because she was having the damnedest time picking out a dress to Petz's requirements. "No, too short...too long...wrong size...blech, that color's lousy."   
  
Petz was bashing her head as an assistant tried to wrap her up in another scanty garment. "You have such a beautiful body! You should show it off!"   
  
"I may have a beautiful body, but I don't have nearly enough money for all this!" she yelled.   
  
"What do you mean, I'M interrupting YOUR day off!?!?" Venus yelled. "I'm merely here to get a dress! And here YOU are, terrorizing these poor people!"   
  
Beruche glared.   
  
"And *I* am merely giving a cooking demonstration!"   
  
Meanwhile, over by bras...   
  
"Hmmm...nope, that's WAY too big for Petz," Cal said, setting down the 1A size bra.   
  
One of the salesclerks who wasn't currently trying to festoon the eldest Ayakashi in a ridiculous an impractical display of lace and ribbons walked over. "Can I help you?"   
  
The imp of mischief that had bitten the younger sisters finally worked its way into Calaveras. "Why, yes, you can," she cooed.   
  
Grabbing him, she practically threw him down on the rack of bras and started to move her body against his. "You see...I'm a very LONELY woman..."   
  
The man's eyes widened until they were ready to fall out of the sockets. "Um, miss," he started, but then she gave him a deep, spit-swapping kiss.   
  
Petz was not happy with any of her imoutos. Beruche was causing her to freeze her ass off, Cal had disappeared to God-only-knows where, and Cooan was...Cooan was... well, so what if she couldn't think of any good reason to be mad at Cooan? She could make one up later.   
  
One of the sales ladies finally grabbed Petz in the wrong place once too often. "That's IT!" she raged. "Not even making Saffir happy is worth this!" she raged.   
  
"DAAAAAAAAAAAAAAARK LIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIGHTNIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIING!" Her attack shocked each and every one of the sales clerks who happened to be standing nearby. Grabbing her clothes, she dashed back into a dressing room.   
  
Another one of the sisters was preparing to attack as well. "Your idea of a cooking demonstration shows that you have fried brains!" Venus was yelling.   
  
Beruche's eyes narrowed dangerously, and she made a dramatic gesture, and was suddenly clothed in her scant bathing-suit like outfit she usually fought in. "NEVER insult my intelligence!" she shrieked back.   
  
"HIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIII-YAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!" Lunging forward, Beruche smashed the frying pan into Venus's head.  
  
"Venus! Are you all right?" Artemis yelled.  
  
"What?" Venus asked. Apparently, hitting her in the head had no major effect.   
  
The man Calaveras had assaulted was starting to get into the spirit of things. His hands reached up to undo her hair, and she grinned. "Isn't this a little too public?" she asked, then dragged him off to the dressing rooms.   
  
Once there, she pulled out a whip. The man's grin got even wider...until Cal lassoed it all around him, gagged him with the same handkerchief Petz had used earlier on the haircut lady and tied the end of the whip on the top of the dressing room mirror. Snatching his employee ID card and magically changing his picture to look like her own, she said, "Thanks, love," kissed his cheek and headed back out into the store.   
  
Calaveras wandered down the aisles, searching for chaos she could cause. Looking around for the manager (she hated managers, as today had only confirmed), she finally found him behind the counter. His hair was like a gel cap, and she wondered how many bottle of gunk he had on it. Modestly staring at his gleaming shoes, she spoke in a nasal accent, "Sir, there's a problem with the jewelry counter."   
  
He looked at her. "What?" he wanted to know.   
  
"I said," she continued, barely able to keep from rolling on the floor, "there is a problem with the jewelry counter." He hurried off and she quickly started helping herself to perfume samples.   
  
Venus looked at Beruche, truly pissed off. Artemis hid his head beneath his paws. "Venus, call the other Senshi, please?" he begged, before muttering, "Why me? Why couldn't Ami be my ward? She's at least sane.... and capable of intelligent thought."   
  
"DIEDIEDIEDIEDIEDIEDIEDIEDIE!!!!!!!!!!!" Beruche brought the frying pan back and then down for another blow.   
  
Nothing aside from the sound of a pan hitting a hollow object. "That's it!" Venus yelled. "Venus Love-Me CHAIN!" she yelled, wrapped a string of linked hearts around Beruche's waist.   
  
Before Beruche and Venus could attack again, a spotlight shone on them. "POLICE! PUT YOUR HANDS IN THE AIR!"  
  
"They're here!" Cooan yelled, holding her cell phone high. "Hooray for Tokyo's finest!"   
  
Calaveras finally arrived, holding perfume samples like little missiles. "I'll save you, Beruche!" she yelled, launching the fragile little bottles at the Senshi.   
  
"GAH!" Venus let out a scream as a glass bottle grazed her cheek. Tightening the rope, Beruche let out a screech, "I always wanted a Scarlett O'Hara waist, but THIS is ridiculous!"   
  
The police entered carefully, then one of the youngest recognized Venus. "Oh my God! It's Sailor Moon!" he said. He raced forward, offering her a pen a paper. "I'm such a BIG fan!"   
  
Venus squealed and let go of her rope, signing his autograph. Beruche quickly led a teleport to the parking lot. Calaveras and Cooan followed, and a reluctant Petz abandoned her hopes of an outfit to join her sisters.   
  
"I'm Sailor V-E-N-U-S," she said, spelling it out. "The original Senshi!"   
  
There was the sound from the cat that sounded like, "Oh, brother."   
  
Meanwhile, in the parking lot, four sour sisters glared at each other. "Well, I guess that's it..." Cal said. "Are we ready to go?"   
  
They nodded and joined hands, when Cooan let out a scream, "WAAAAAAAIT!"   
  
"What?" Petz asked.  
  
"We forgot to make it a Blockbuster night!"   
  
The sound of fists hitting flesh echoed throughout the parking lot just before the sisters Ayakashi teleported away.  
  
  
THE END  
  
  



End file.
